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The Exquisitely Sensitive Empath and the Coercive Control Personality: How to Avoid A Dangerous Dating Game

Updated: Jan 15

Empaths or exquisitely sensitive personalities and those with coercive control personalities such as narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are often inexplicably drawn to each other due to their unique psychological profiles. This connection can create a perilous dynamic known as a "Trauma Bond", which can have devastating effects if not recognized and addressed. Therefore, it's crucial for empaths to practice healthy dating habits to safeguard themselves from these high-control personalities.


Dating for Empaths


Understanding the Empath-Coercive Control Dynamic


Empaths, individuals who possess a heightened sensitivity to others' emotions, often acquire this unique ability as a means of survival in tumultuous environments during their formative years. This exceptional perceptiveness allows them to understand and empathize with the feelings of those around them on an incredibly deep level. However, while this remarkable trait can be advantageous in many ways, it also exposes empaths to potential harm.


One significant consequence of being an empath is the tendency to internalize blame for the actions of others. Due to their acute sensitivity and profound understanding of emotions, empaths may mistakenly believe that they are responsible for causing or exacerbating negative situations. This self-blame can lead to detrimental outcomes such as increased levels of guilt and even self-harm.


On the other hand, coercive control personalities construct a distorted reality where they are always faultless protagonists. These individuals possess a skillful knack for deflecting blame onto others and distorting narratives in order to make them appear culpable for their own actions. Their adeptness at shifting responsibility serves as a coping mechanism rooted in their own childhood trauma.


In this intricate dynamic between empaths and coercive control personalities, a dangerous vortex is created: The empath becomes an easy target for manipulative behaviors exhibited by the coercive control personality. The vulnerability stemming from the empath's heightened sensitivity combined with the manipulator's skilled tactics sets the stage for what experts refer to as a 'Trauma Bond'.


Healthy Dating Practices for Empaths

To sidestep such toxic relationships, empaths must adopt healthy dating practices:


Self-awareness: Empaths need to acknowledge their propensity to absorb others' emotions and blame, especially during the dating process. As they learn to distinguish between their own feelings and those they're absorbing from potential partners, they lay the foundation for healthier emotional boundaries. This newfound clarity empowers them to maintain their emotional equilibrium, even during emotionally intense dates or encounters.


Furthermore, this self-awareness enables them to assert their emotional needs more effectively during the dating process. They can articulate their feelings, wants, and needs clearly, paving the way for open and genuine communication with potential partners.

This skill of distinguishing and asserting emotions fosters healthier, more balanced dynamics during the dating process. It helps empaths avoid toxic relationships and attracts partners who respect their emotional needs and unique sensitivities.


Boundaries:Setting firm boundaries is a critical process that empaths must undertake to protect their emotional well-being, particularly when navigating the dating world.

The first step in this process is identifying your personal boundaries, the limits that define what you're comfortable with and what you're not. For example, you might realize that you need time alone to recharge after social interactions, or you might find certain topics of conversation uncomfortable.


Once you've identified your boundaries, clear communication becomes vital. For instance, if you feel drained after long dates, you can express this by saying, "I enjoy our time together, but I need some time alone to recharge afterward. Can we keep our dates to a couple of hours?" This open communication helps set expectations and establishes a foundation of respect and understanding.


But setting and communicating your boundaries isn't enough; you must also stand firm and enforce them. This can be challenging, especially when someone tries to push past your established limits. In such cases, you should reiterate your boundary firmly and calmly. If someone insists on discussing a topic that makes you uncomfortable, you could respond with, "I've mentioned before that I'm not comfortable discussing this. Let's find another topic."


Remember, setting and enforcing boundaries can be emotionally taxing, so self-care is crucial during this process. Whether it's practicing mindfulness, seeking support from friends or a therapist, or simply taking time out for relaxation and self-reflection, taking care of your emotional health should be a priority.


It's important to remember that setting boundaries isn't about being selfish or inflexible. It's about respecting your emotional needs and fostering healthier relationships. Your boundaries are valid, and you have the right to assert them. This process, while sometimes challenging, is a critical aspect of self-care for empaths in the dating world.


Self-care: Self-care routines for empaths serve as more than just relaxing rituals. They act as vital protective shields against the emotional exhaustion and control tactics often wielded by coercive personalities.


Recognizing one's natural state of well-being is the first step in the realm of self-care. Empaths can achieve this through mindfulness and self-compassion. Mindfulness meditation, for instance, cultivates a deep awareness of one's emotional state, helping to differentiate between times of peace and periods of emotional turbulence.


Through the lens of self-compassion, empaths learn to offer themselves the same kindness and understanding they extend to others. Therapy can play a significant role in this journey, providing professional guidance and support as empaths learn to navigate their emotional landscapes.


With a clear understanding of their natural state of emotional well-being, empaths can more readily discern when someone disrupts this equilibrium. This discernment becomes crucial in the dating process. If interactions with a potential partner consistently trigger emotional upset or drain, it's a clear signal that the person may not be a suitable match for the empath's sensitive nature.


Self-care is not a uniform concept; it encompasses anything that brings joy, comfort, and a sense of relaxation. This could range from a peaceful walk in nature, immersing in a good book, or indulging in a favorite hobby. For some, it could be as simple and profound as ensuring they get enough rest. Rest, often an overlooked aspect of self-care, replenishes us, enhancing the emotional resilience needed to handle challenging situations or individuals. A well-rested empath is better equipped to enforce their boundaries and safeguard their emotional well-being.


Self-care enables empaths to fortify themselves against personalities who exploit emotional exhaustion as a control tactic. Recognizing a natural state of well-being and discerning when it's disrupted allows empaths to make informed decisions in their dating lives. It's essential to remember that self-care routines should align with what brings joy and comfort, as safeguarding well-being is of paramount importance.


Red flags: For empaths, understanding the traits of coercive control personalities is a crucial aspect of safe dating. Recognizing these red flags can help them protect their emotional well-being and avoid falling into a trauma bond.


Red flags can appear in various forms. Feelings of unease or confusion after interactions with the person can signal that something isn't right. Even slight discomfort shouldn't be dismissed as it can be an intuitive warning that something is off. Remember, you don't need a specific reason to feel uncomfortable. If something feels "off," that's enough to warrant caution.


Another red flag to look out for is a mismatch in moral codes. Shared values are essential in a healthy relationship. If a potential partner often acts in ways conflicting with your moral standards, consider it a significant warning sign.


Among the most revealing signs of a coercive control personality is their disregard for your boundaries. If someone repeatedly and effortlessly crosses your set limits, even after clear communication, it's a glaring red flag.


A healthy relationship provides a prevailing sense of safety and ease. You will feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or backlash. If you find yourself regularly walking on eggshells around someone, it's time to reconsider their role in your life.


Always remember, you are the prize. Your feelings, comfort, and well-being need to always be respected and valued. If your interactions with a potential partner leave you feeling drained, confused, or upset, take these feelings very seriously. They're your internal alarm system warning you that this person might not be a good fit for you. By recognizing these red flags and taking them seriously, empaths can make informed decisions about who they choose to date, ensuring their emotional well-being is not compromised.


Support system: Maintaining a robust support system is critical, especially when navigating relationships that involve coercive control personalities. Trusted friends or family members can provide invaluable perspectives and advice, helping you steer clear of the potential pitfalls of such relationships.


In a relationship dynamic involving a coercive control personality, it's crucial to surround yourself with individuals who understand your situation and can offer objective insights. These trusted individuals can serve as a sounding board for your concerns, helping you identify manipulative behaviors or potential red flags within the relationship.


Coercive control personalities may subtly try to isolate you from your support system, suggesting that you're different and that the opinions of others aren't valid. However, it's crucial to resist these attempts. Your support system provides a safe space for you to share your experiences openly without fear of judgment or retribution.


In addition to emotional support, trusted friends or family members can also point you towards practical resources during challenging times. They can help you identify community services, such as counseling centers or helplines, specifically designed for individuals dealing with coercive control situations. With their assistance, access to professional guidance becomes more attainable, empowering you to take necessary steps towards breaking free from coercion.


Remember, if you find yourself fearing judgment or retribution for speaking your truth to someone, it's a significant red flag. You should feel safe and supported when expressing yourself honestly in a relationship.


Ultimately, a solid support system plays an integral role in protecting oneself from the dangers associated with coercive control personalities. The unwavering presence of trusted friends and family not only ensures emotional support but also helps maintain perspective, reminding you that your feelings are valid, and your wellbeing is important!


Healthy dating practices can be an empath's lifeline, helping them steer clear of toxic relationships and find partners who respect and appreciate their unique sensitivities. Self-awareness, setting boundaries, and self-care are the cornerstones of this empowerment. By embracing these practices, empaths can navigate the dating world with confidence and security, avoiding the potential dangers of the empath-coercive control dynamic.



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